So this isn’t what I had planned for my second post but it is something I need to write about!

Yesterday was not a great day BUT I’m pretty chuffed with how I handled it!  Again a step in the right direction, to acknowledge it wasn’t great but how I dealt with it was definitely improved!

Basically I found myself in an old bad habit, still at work, alone in the office, some 4 hours after my shift and sitting at my desk crying.   Unable to walk away, unable to complete the work and aware the clock was ticking away.

In the past I would have cut, in this scenario, because I would be annoyed at how ‘pathetic’ I was being and the fact I was unable to move (couldn’t do the work and couldn’t just leave – not that work would’ve minded me leaving it was my own head preventing it!)

Anyway, I eventually called my boss (I’m very lucky with how amazing he is with my crazy!) and we came up with a contingency.   I then went home and slept!!!   In the past I wouldn’t have called my boss and I wouldn’t have slept, because I would be in such a state.

This morning I got up on time and straight into work, I wasn’t even worried about anything!   In the past I would probably have been late into work, lots of tears and (as had happened more than I like) stuck outside the office!  (Seriously my boss has had to come outside the building to fetch me in!!!! Stupid anxiety!)

So, my point is, rather than dwelling on the fact I was still sat at my desk crying in a panic, I’m celebrating the fact I didn’t cut, I took action (okay not ideal calling your boss at home! but…!), I was still able to get into work today and (apart from whilst I was sat at my desk) the anxiety was minimal!   POW!!!

Sometimes I think small steps need to be acknowledged more than the bigger more obvious ones.   I’m ridiculously happy that I’m not dwelling on the negative of the whole thing and it’s a very new but brilliant feeling!

Happy weekend to all,

Love D x

 

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